My heart always aches. Even in good times there is an ache because I know/feel something’s missing. Gavin. Gavin should be here. Instead I can only feel him in my heart throughout the day. I will carry you in my heart forever. I love and miss you so much.
I wanted a place to share my thoughts, feelings and whatever else I choose along the way. I decided to name my blog space Gavin’s Grace.
Gavin was born still on Aug 25, 2017.
Grace – verb – do honour by one’s presence.
Gavin’s story really starts back in January 2107. I was visiting my doctor and I knew that my period was late. I knew it was very early. I told my doctor anyway and asked when and how many home pregnancy tests you should take. He suggested 2 or 3 and to take the test 2 weeks after your missed period. On Jan 26 2017 I peed on that stick and it showed positive. I was excited and nervous. As soon as David was home from work I brought him into the bathroom and showed him the positive stick. We were happy. We were starting the family we always wanted. Fast forward to May 3 – David’s 29th birthday, which also happened to be the day of our first ultrasound. It was a magical day seeing our baby that was growing inside of me. In June I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Through diet I was able to control my blood sugar levels. On Aug 23 I was going for a regular ultrasound to measure the baby. It was a routine appointment so I was alone. It was during this appointment I was told my baby had no heart beat. I was devastated. Everyone was heart broken. Everyone was looking forward to this baby. It was Aug 25 at 334AM that I delivered Gavin Michael Burt. We did not know the gender of the baby, so while it was a very difficult time, it was joyful to know we had a son.
It has been a very long and difficult two months. More than that, I know that this is going to be a life long journey. The loss of my first born son will always have me question and wonder. I will question why did this happen? I will wonder what kind of man Gavin would have been. I will never forget my first born child. ❤ I will honour and remember Gavin for the rest of my life.
Mommy loves you.
xoxo
Gavin's Grace 